recipes – The Pickle Chronicles

Jake’s Dill Chips (Take 2)

Oct 11th, 2025

3.7 out of 5

Ok let’s have a serious conversation about Jake’s dill chips. Are you sitting down? If you’re not sitting down, maybe you should. Unless you can read standing up, then disregard the suggestion and proceed to the next sentence. Some time ago I received a box in the mail. Inside that box was 2 jars of pickles. One of those jars of pickles was Jake’s Dill Chips. It was arguably one of the worst dill chips I’ve ever had. I even joked about the fact that they were cut up by a cartoon character with an axe with no interest in consistency or crunch. It was the worst pickle I have ever ranked. Jake’s – Dill Chips

That’s of course only until the great Passion Pickle debacle of 2024 brought forth a new champion of mushy disgust. Passion Pickles – Habanero Homestyle Chips – Sweet + Heat

Fast forward 12+ months. The sun is shining, the birds are chirping, it’s the first 80 degree day of the year, and I find a box of pickles sitting on my front porch. When I open this box there are 2 jars of pickles. One of these jars of pickles is Jake’s Dill Chips. I stare at it confused and can only think about why the fuck this stupid jar of pickles is back in my life. It stares back at me like it’s always been here, and always been a part of me.

I thought to myself, I know you and I’m not going to let you do this to me again. But something felt different this time. The jar was more clear than I remember. The chips look like someone who isn’t a cartoon character with an axe ,cut them into reasonable sizes. Somehow the whole thing felt more inviting, so I did what it wanted. I put it in the refrigerator and waited. If we are being honest, I don’t remember how long I waited, but it may have been as long as 2 weeks. I was interested, not excited. Anyway, once I finally got involved the experience was completely different than I remembered. Although some of the chips were a bit beefier than others, it was not at all the mushy disaster I remember from my youth just 12.5 months ago. They were not the best crunch I ever had, but it was completely reasonable. Maybe it was the fact that the pickle had a crunch this time, but the flavor was quite good. Its still a lot different then most standard dill chips and I’d say its mostly the turmeric, but still has a flavor and bite that deserves respect. I’m not sure if the last jar was a complete disaster, or if they saw my prior review and realized they needed to take a look a themselves and make a change, but it’s better. I would buy this pickle. You hear that Jake? I’d buy your pickle! By the way did you ever sit down? If you were sitting down you can get up now, if you weren’t sitting down maybe take five, relax and have one of Jake’s Dill Chips. Hopefully your jar was filled by a human, and not a axe wielding cartoon character.

Gourmet Gardens – Peppered Pickle Sticks

Feb 26th, 2025

4.5 out of 5

If Peter Piper picked a pack of Peppered Pickles, then Gourmet Gardens would have the jar of peppered pickle sticks that Peter Piper picked. I did not have high hopes for this Peppered Pickle Stick. The jar looks like it’s been sitting on the shelf of a post apocalyptic grocery store for 27 years. The entire rest of the store was picked over by scavengers, but this single jar of pickles and 38 boxes of Good & Plenty remained. Let’s be serious, people would die of starvation before eating Good & Plenty. The label is faded to the point lettering is hard to make out but, you’ll be relieved to know that one of the ingredients is “pickles” so you think you’re confident about what you are getting into. I assure you, that you are wrong. These “pickle sticks” are nothing more than your standard spear, but there is nothing standard about this flavor. I know it says “peppered” but you are still unprepared for how much pepper you get in the flavor. There a wonderful spiciness from the pepper followed by an immediate different type of sweet heat from the peppers. You’ll find whole garlic and jalapeño slices floating around the bottom of the jar. The spears have a surprising crunch and the brine is wonderfully tart, dare I say almost too tart depending on your pallet. The brine also has this reddish tint to it, sort of like rust water. I’m crazy excited to make a spicy Bloody Mary with this juice once I’m finished with the pickles. When the world ends and the only thing left are cockroaches, Good & Plenty, and Peppered Pickle Sticks, you can bet your ass I’ll be heading to Gourmet Gardens to pick up where Peter Piper left off.

Keonig’s Pickles

Dec 5th, 2024

4.1 out of 5

Visually I wanted nothing to do with this pickle and was expecting nothing but disappointment. These pickles are thin and transparent and despite all your senses telling you it’s going to be a soggy mess, this pickle packs a surprisingly delightful flavor and a nice crunch. This jar comes filled to the absolute rim stuffed with thin chips and a boat load of thinly sliced onions. At first I only taste sweet, then it seems like it’s only sour… then I want more. You can really taste the mustard seed and celery seed. It’s wonderfully balanced and I could picture having a jar like this on hand at all times. You could take a handful and chop it up for a sandwich relish, or as an ingredient for a tunafish sammy. Also as a perfect stand alone side to some spicy BBQ. This pickle has renewed my faith in these razor thin chips that prior to this rarely seem to bring the whole flavor & crunch package in a single jar. Also I had a middle school principal named Mr. Keonig. He was missing half of one of his fingers so we always called him Skippy, because when counting on his fingers he had to skip one since there was only half a finger. Therefore he couldn’t count to 10 on his fingers. If he tried it would go something like this. 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8, 8.5, 9.5. If he skipped 8.5 he could still count to 9, in case you were wondering how that worked.

Passion Pickles – Habanero Homestyle Chips – Sweet + Heat

Oct 19th, 2024

0.5 out of 5

One of the ingredients is Yellow #5… I think we all know what that means. It means this pickle is terrible. Ok to be fair, I don’t know if there is any correlation between Yellow #5 and how bad this pickle is. It’s a shame because the spice after the awful oral experience of this pickle is quite nice. It’s way too sweet, and it’s so soft that you cant even tell you are biting into anything. According to the label and I quote, “they are like no pickles you’ve ever had before”. This is accurate. I’ve never had a pickle that had the mouth feel of a wet piece of white bread rolled up into a ball and cut into slices. “From the very first bite… your passion for these pickles will be irresistible! Save the Juice!” I can’t get the taste out of my mouth and that’s all I want right now. The idea of not tasting this pickle is irresistible to me right now. I will not be saving the juice. I will not have another pickle. I’m not even throwing this in the garbage. I’d feel bad for the rest of my garbage having to share a trash bag with this jar of evil. I’m pouring it all down the garbage disposal and burying the jar in a place where it can’t hurt anybody anymore. I hate you passion pickles.

Grillo’s HOT Classic Dill Spear

Sep 24th, 2024

3.9 out of 5

I know this is an unpopular opinion, but I think Grillos are one of the more overrated pickles. I think they are a good pickle, maybe even a great pickle, and wont take away from what they have brought to this world that I love so much. But there are better options out there if you can find a place that has enough shelf space in the refrigerated pickle section to sell more than just Grillo’s or Claussen….. Just sayin’ … That being said this pickle has the right amount of heat for a hot spear. It’s enjoyable and you don’t miss the heat or want less of it its in that real sweet spot. Now this is not advertised as a garlic dill but there is an over abundance of full garlic cloves floating around in the bottom of this stupid plastic jar. Your crunch factor is what you want with a minimal “limp zone”. Compared to the regular version these hot pickles don’t come covered in dill weed to the level of the classic pickle and as a result you have a more balanced dill flavor that complements the hot and garlic quite well. Fuck this stupid plastic container, but thank you for the always fresh refrigerated pickles.

Farm & Vine Kickin Pickles

Jul 25th, 2024

3.8 out of 5

This rootin tootin kickin pickle has a lot going on. To start with it looks like the label was printed on the first color printer ever made with the wrong color paper. I think they ran out of actual printer paper so they used brown grocery bags cut to standard paper size and tried to stuff it in the printer only to realize it didn’t print very clearly but they ran out of paper bags also so they had to roll with it. In good ol’ Greenford Ohio. I’ve lived in Ohio for 40 years and never heard of Greenford.. probably a made up place from the creative minds at GreenStar manufacturing. Whew… now that that’s out of the way let’s talk about what really matters. Once you finally get into this somewhat unappealing jar you find yourself staring at a well packed jar of good looking pickle chips. This is not going to be a dill pickle, it’s on the sweeter side with really nice undertones of heat. I wouldn’t say spice, although one of the ingredients listed on the aforementioned bag label is “Spice” so really, what do i know? It also includes garlic and crushed red pepper which you can really see sitting at the bottom of the jar. Give this thing a good shake and dive right in! The pickle has enough crunch to not be soggy, but it’s soft enough to not be crunchy. The flavor has depth and for a sweet pickle, it’s pretty sweet, you will have sticky fingers if you go on a two finger pickle finding mission into the depths of that sweet sticky brine. But its not as bad as some others I’ve encountered which could be attributed to the calcium chloride also listed as in ingredient on the paper bag label. When it all comes down to it, this is a reasonable pickle with a lot of consistency in the chips and overall a flavor that despite your sticky fingers keeps you coming back for another try. Not too spicy, not too sweet, just a Farm & Vine, Kickin’ good time!

Mr. Crisp Pickle Co. Spicy Garlic Dill Chips

Jul 18th, 2024

3.75 out of 5

With Mr. Crisp we find ourselves with another delightful small batch chef inspired pickle. In comparison to other Spicy pickles this comes in at the lower end of the spice spectrum maybe a 1 out of 5 for spice. But don’t let that cool you down, the garlic on the other hand is way up there. Not quite as garlicky as what Grillo is throwing down but it’s in the ballpark. You’ll find these are hand cut but you’ll see pretty consistent chip sizes, all of which come with a crunch that can only be described as, well, crunchy… maybe very crunchy. Definitely not the most crunchy. Yeah, let’s go with very crunchy. You’ll find some very minimal dill weeds and a lot of chopped up garlic floating around in the jar if that appeals to you. I’d say this is a well rounded pickle, and if you are into pickles on burgers I feel like this pickle would suite you well. Also Mr. Crisp was the asshole in charge of Saint Catherine high school in Sister Act 2. Nobody really liked him but thank god Sister Mary Clarence showed up and took that crazy group of delinquent students to the 1994 all state music competition and took home the gold. If she can save the day surely Mr. Crisp deserves another shot, so needless to say, I’d buy them again thanks to Sister Mary Clarence and her joyful joyful pickles.

McCutcheon’s Sweet Fire Pickles – Spicy pickle chips & peppers

Jul 10th, 2024

2.3 out of 5

The jalapeños in the jar are actually very good. Sweet but the heat kicks in and gives you a nice sweet-heat. The pickles are just average. There is a good spiciness to the chip, but it’s so thin that it’s transparent and soft. The chip has very little crunch. Initially I thought there was zero crunch, but as I dug around deeper into the recesses of the pickle jar I realized 2 things. 1. The pickles at the top of the jar have much less crunch than the pickles further down. This is still a minimal crunch but I will say the initial bite of the more mature pickle I found deep down had some snap followed by mushiness. Whereas the top pickles were like eating wet crackers (yeah, that’s just mush). 2. As I dig through the jar with my little pickle poking extraction device to hopefully uncover the aforementioned crunchy pickle I realized that most of this jar is so thin that you can’t really decipher where one pickle ends and the next begins. Lastly, this pickle juice is sticky as fuck. Interesting fact, in the TV show Lost there is a fictional brand of 60 year Scotch Whisky. It’s kind of a super important part of the story. The scotch is so expensive and this person is so poor that he will never be able to experience something as exclusive and glorious as a single sip of this scotch whisky. As if knowing this isn’t enough, he was told this by his future ex potential father in law sending him on a destructive path that would both destroy and define his life. The name of the scotch was MacCutcheon. I assure you, other than the similarities in the name, these pickles are nothing like that fictional bottle of scotch. They will not change your life for better or worse. So yeah.. maybe just don’t buy these pickles. Oh, and fuck that ass hat, everyone is worth at least one $2,000 sip of scotch.

McClure’s Bread & Butter Cilantro Chips

Jul 4th, 2024

4.0 out of 5

I’ve been excited about the opportunity to put a Bread and Butter chip from McClure’s in my mouth. I had no idea that Cilantro was going to be at the party. Had I known this was a ménage à trois I would have dressed more appropriately, or at least had a few drinks first. I know the burning question right now is “Does the cilantro play?”… oh it plays, unless you are one of those people that have a mutation that makes cilantro taste like soap. If you are that person I’d steer the fuck clear of this party. But for the rest of the cool people that don’t mind a little soap in their bread and butter, this pickle is the cat’s meow. The sweetness of this pickle is wonderfully balanced. If you thought the aforementioned sexy cilantro party was a surprise you’re going to love this. Not only does there appear to be some super tiny onion slices buried in this square pickle coffin…there is fucking dill in there. Yeah.. .a Bread, Butter, Cilantro, and Dill pickle. This wasn’t just a delicious surprise, it was a delicious super secret surprise since it’s not clearly labeled anywhere. Also this pickle comes in a stupid plastic box (square pickle coffin) which I don’t like. All the ingredients are printed on the underside of what I’d hardly consider a tight lid. Try to read anything on this label after opening the coffin, I dare you. This is annoying at best, and a future mess of a disaster when your lid comes off and you lose every single slice of bread, butter, cilantro, and fucking dill pickle heaven. If you have a spare jar lying around I’d recommend pouring them in that after opening to keep those fuckers safe until you are ready to enjoy. I love this pickle, and I’d argue it’s the best bread, butter, cilantro, and dill pickle on the market. None of them steal the show, but if any of them stood alone it’s still likely to be a winner. But they don’t stand alone… the cheese stands alone, but that’s a story for another time.

Bold Pickins Speciality Pickles – Down Home Dill Chips

Jun 27th, 2024

4.53 out of 5

Finding a very thin pickle chip worthy of the title “thin” is like seeing a rare bird in the wild, it’s not an every day occurrence. Finding a thin pickle chip with a crunch worth talking about is like seeing that same bird and then also finding buried treasure on the same day. I’m not much of a bird watcher, but having seen National Treasure 1 and 2 several times I know a thing or two about buried treasure. It’s not easy to find. You are almost always being shot at, and the treasure isn’t just buried, it’s way underground. Like tunnels, stairs, and man made wooden elevators that go 25 stories under churches type of shit. Let’s just say you aren’t grabbing a shovel and finding buried treasure in your backyard. It takes years of planning, a lot of money, an entire camera crew, and a neurotic tech guy. Now I do know enough about birds to tell you that the only bird you’ll see underground is maybe a bat, not a rare bat. But due to the lack of sky in a subterranean climate that rare bird sighting just went from medium rare, to super rare which is basically raw. That’s how unlikely seeing a rare bird would be while also finding buried treasure….. Everyone knows that. Also the description of the pickles on the jar does such a good job with the flavor there is no need to add more details. So after you finish reading you should buy them, even if you’re an ornithologist and your family legacy doesn’t hint at inevitably finding a buried treasure.

“Down home dill is a bold version of the classic dill pickle. What makes it bold is they add a pinch of red pepper flakes for a bit of heat. Think salt-bae style. The heat wont hit ya up front, but it will leave a warm linger on the tongue. With fresh dill and garlic swimming around thickly sliced cucumbers. Down home dill will be sure to be a favorite at your next cookout. “

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