3 out of 5

This is a standard kosh dill pickle.  I meant to say kosh.  I feel like the cucumbers for this pickle are weird.  Seedless maybe?? I don’t know, but they just look weird.  It’s a thicker cut chip and there is apparently an 11 spice blend that probably isn’t real.  You would think for a standard kosh dill there would be more going on here.   Well I got a newsflash for you Walter Cronkite.  There ain’t.  This pickle is like a knock off loaf of white bread you get at a 7 eleven or a Payless shoe store.  You know the one with the brand name “white bread”?  It’s like that.  It’s white bread and it sorta tastes like white bread, but it also doesn’t taste like white bread, but also doesn’t taste like anything else either.  This pickle is like that. Not bad enough to be terrible, not good enough to be great.  It’s the most forgettable jar of pickles you won’t remember you forgot.  

3.3 out of 5

This whole ranch pickle situation is confusing.  You don’t know if you really ever wanted a ranch pickle.  You want a lot of ranch things.  Hidden valley ranch popcorn seasoning? Sure do.  Ranch dusted French fries with a side of ranch for dipping?  Yes please. Bagel bites? Ok….Is that pizza on a bagel?  Yes.  Does that mean I can have pizza anytime?  Sure does.  With a side of ranch? God, I hope so. So since it’s pretty clear nobody has ever asked – Can I have a ranch pickle? – I’ll dive in to the sweet deets you never wanted to know.   The ranch is understated and this is a straight up cucumber so you don’t get a very pickled flavor.  The ranch balances well with the light pickling although it does leave something to be desired and it’s hard to say what that is. You find yourself wanting more but it’s unclear if it’s because it’s delicious or confusing and hiding something. You wouldn’t be mad if they showed up in front of you, but you won’t find yourself running to the store in search of them. Also the crunch is much better than expected based on the terrible jar/labeling.  I think ranch has a special place in most people’s lives, I just don’t think that place is in a pickle jar.  It’s probably on half a head of lettuce with an unhealthy amount of bacon bits.  

4.0 out of 5

The pickle is indeed sweet and hot!  It’s a wonderful balance of the initial sweetness followed by a light but noticeable spice.  These are listed as pickle nuggets but you’ll find a variety of chips and nugs since they are small batch and appear to be hand cut.  I’m normally not a fan of the inconsistency that hand cut brings to the crunch party. This party seems to have been a surprise party because I was not prepared for what I encountered. The crunch varies between average and excellent depending on the size of that sweet little nug you pull from the jar.  Can’t say enough good things about this pickle.  So delicious and I look forward to seeing you again you sassy little cucumber! 

4.2 out of 5

This pickle chip comes from Millersburg, Ohio.  If you are not familiar with the area I can tell you it’s full of Amish people.  And since Amish people also get married it would stand to reason there would be an Amish Wedding from time to time in the same location.  Now I don’t know if someone makes them for the wedding, or what sort of tradition the pickle is involved with in this wedding, but I’m ready to grow a beard and put on my Sunday best for this dearly beloved jar to be!   The ingredients are simple and clean.  Sometimes pickles are confusing and have too much going on.  And sometimes they are exactly what they appear to be.  The chip is on the thicker side and as you maneuver through the jar you’ll find all different shapes and sizes.  The chips are nice and smooth and you’ll find no ruffles in this pickle wedding.  The most surprising part is that for the thickness and varying sizes you would expect at least some pickles that don’t quite have the same crunch as others.  But you won’t find that in this jar.  Each pickle has a SNAP that makes you smile.  For a sweet pickle, it’s telling you it’s sweet but also saying “hey, I’m not just sweet, I’m also full of garlic pleasure”.  And it is not lying.  The bottom of the jar is filled with chopped garlic and “spices”.  The crunch is subtle, the pickle is crisp, and the flavor is clean.  If you don’t mind a sweet pickle I’d say you give it a go.  For me I’m not sure if its until death do us part, but I’ll still say, I do. 

3.5 our of 5

This local Cleveland pickle is 100% Naturally Fermented.  

After a bit of research in what the hell that even means it turns out it’s a longer process that does not use any added acids.  Also after this research I still don’t know what the fuck that means.   The pickle  chip has a wonderful crunch and there is a nice solid garlic flavor.  I don’t hate this pickle, I may even go as far to say I really like this pickle.  But the lingering taste is odd and I have to assume it has something to do with the fermentation process. Whatever the fuck that is.  I want to maybe call the after taste sour.  But it’s not bad, it’s odd and I find myself going back to the jar for another sample of that crunchy riddle I can’t seem to crack.  I feel like this pickle would be good on a sandwich or burger if you are into that sort of thing.  The garlic, crunch and stupid natural fermentation make it appealing as a condiment rather than a stand alone star.  But all fermentation nonsense aside, I’d eat them again if given the opportunity.  

1.4 out of 5

With Jake’s we have ourselves a locally grown, handmade jar of thick cut dill chips.  From the initial look you see some monster slices and some tiny ones.  Some nearly an inch thick.. some maybe 1/3 inch thick.  You can tell by the pickle juice there is a lot of spice and turmeric due to the cloudiness in the jar.  The initial taste is what is expected.  It’s overwhelming trying to figure out what flavor this pickle wants to be, then all of the sudden you find some of that dill the label was talking about. Shortly after you are left with the lingering taste of tart & turmeric.  As I dig through the jar and try to find some bottom dwellers you encounter pickles with a thickness well beyond initial estimates.  I’m seeing some that are easily over an inch thick.  It’s like Bosko the lumberjack cut these tree trunk cucumbers using a single strike of his axe.  The flavor is not terrible but the chew of these pickles has a minimal weird crunch…or maybe it’s not crunch.. just the snap after the rubbery exterior of the pickle finally “snaps” after chewing.  It’s not a great oral experience.  And the flavor is not nearly good enough to get past the disappointing mouth feel of this beast of a pickle chip.  That’s gonna be a no for me dawg.