2.3 out of 5

The jalapeños in the jar are actually very good.  Sweet but the heat kicks in and gives you a nice sweet-heat.   The pickles are just average.  There is a good spiciness to the chip, but it’s so thin that it’s transparent and soft.  The chip has very little crunch.  Initially I thought there was zero crunch, but as I dug around deeper into the recesses of the pickle jar I realized 2 things.  1.  The pickles at the top of the jar have much less crunch than the pickles further down.  This is still a minimal crunch but I will say the initial bite of the more mature pickle I found deep down had some snap followed by mushiness. Whereas the top pickles were like eating wet crackers (yeah, that’s just mush).  2. As I dig through the jar with my little pickle poking extraction device to hopefully uncover the aforementioned crunchy pickle I realized that most of this jar is so thin that you can’t really decipher where one pickle ends and the next begins.  Lastly, this pickle juice is sticky as fuck.  Interesting fact, in the TV show Lost there is a fictional brand of 60 year Scotch Whisky.  It’s kind of a super important part of the story. The scotch is so expensive and this person is so poor that he will never be able to experience something as exclusive and glorious as a single sip of this scotch whisky.  As if knowing this isn’t enough, he was told this by his future ex potential father in law sending him on a destructive path that would both destroy and define his life.  The name of the scotch was MacCutcheon.  I assure you, other than the similarities in the name, these pickles are nothing like that fictional bottle of scotch.  They will not change your life for better or worse.  So yeah.. maybe just don’t buy these pickles.   Oh, and fuck that ass hat, everyone is worth at least one $2,000 sip of scotch.